Merry Christmas Mr Deeks
by Stuck Smitten Love Story
Summary: My very first Fan Fic. This is written before "Merry Evasion" aired. My wish for what lifts Kensi's Christmas spirits. It probably won't happen like this but a girl can't help but dream.


Deeks was sitting at his desk deep in thought when the call to OPS came from Eric via a tinkling of Christmas Bells. "Hetty needs you all upstairs, especially you Deeks," he called out. Damn, he was about to head home, or the beach, or somewhere where his pain wasn't quite so bad. They'd already worked a full day, he wanted to go home to his misery.

Deeks wasn't in the mood for such joviality. It may have been Christmas but he felt none of the Christmas spirit. He was missing Kensi. It tore at his heart that the first Christmas they had as a couple they were spending apart. It was their first Christmas together and he had made some amazing plans even after she left hoping beyond all hope that she would be back by the big day. But it was tomorrow, only a few hours away and Kensi was not going to be there to spend the day with him. His heart ached every time he thought of it. Who was he kidding, his heart was aching every second she wasn't with him.

Deeks trudged up the stairs behind the others, not in any hurry to join in on whatever this gathering would bring. His mood at this moment was depressing, he preferred to zone everything else out and remain in his misery. He knew it wasn't good for him to be feeling like this, but be damned if he didn't have a good reason.

He walked into OPS. Everyone was watching him intently and he suddenly became wary. What was going on? Were they going to try and cheer him up because if that was the case it wasn't going to work. He eyed everyone nervously then looked at the huge screen on the wall. His heart lurched as a familiar figure appeared on the screen.

"Kensi!" he whispered, his quiet voice full of emotion, and strode to stand in front of the screen. He couldn't take his eyes off her. His hand reached up as if he could touch her stopping mid air before dropping it to his side. His heart was pounding, twice as fast as normal and he just wished he could jump into the screen and be with her.

She wasn't aware that they could see her yet. The feed at her end was obviously not connected and this gave Deeks time to watch Kensi, see how she was. She nervously played with her ponytail and kept looking around at someone to the left impatiently. God she was beautiful. His heart continued to pound erratically and his breathing was unsteady as he gazed at her beauty and a lone tear escaped one eye. He missed her so much. "Kensi," he whispered again, fighting back tears.

A hand lay on his shoulder but he didn't feel it. All he felt right now were the conflicting emotions running rampant through his body. Love, helplessness, desire, fear.

"You okay Deeks?" Sam asked softly. He wasn't used to such compassion from the big man.

He blinked. "What?" he answered, his voice catching. "Yeah, I'm okay." He wiped the tear that had fallen, waiting impatiently for the moment that Kensi could see him, so they could talk. How he wanted to hear her voice, see her smiling at him.

He saw a shadow in the corner and shifted his focus from Kensi for a moment He recognised the person standing to the far right of Kensi and his blood began to boil. Sabatino. The man who had once made a play for his Kensi. Deeks had let him know exactly where he stood, yet now, here he was, who knew were, with Kensi. He wanted to tear the man to shreds. His hands clenched by his side.

Then he heard Kensi's voice and nothing else mattered. The audio was connecting and he heard her trying "hello, hello. Anyone there."

"Kensi," Deeks said strongly.

"Deeks, is that you?" he heard her ask desperately.

"Its me Kens, Oh God its so good to see you."

"I can't see you yet," she lamented. "Its so good to hear you though." She spoke to someone off screen and moments later she looked up, giving Deeks the most dazzling smile. "Deeks," she sighed.

Deeks was speechless. He had so many things he wanted to say to her but all he could do was look at her smiling face and return the smile for her. Even though they were thousands of miles apart the electricity between them was palpable. He noticed tears welling in her eyes and his heart broke for her. As a tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek he took a shuddering breath.

"Are you okay Kensi," he asked. It killed him to think of her being sad. He hated that he could do nothing to help her.

"I'm good Deeks." She suddenly became aware of the rest of the team standing in the room with Deeks. She took a steadying breath. "Hi everyone," Kensi called out, waving her hand as she looked at each of them, but her voice was still weak with unshed tears. She looked like it was taking all her effort not to break down in sobs as she spoke to each of them.

Deeks resented everyone in the room at that moment and he frowned. He wanted to talk to Kensi. He didn't know how long he had and he didn't want to waste a moment of it. But they were her family too, so he waited, watching her, looking at her surroundings, anything to see how she really was, where she really was. He noticed Sabatino had gone, and hopefully he had seen how much they meant to each other in that one short exchange. Sabatino was an honourable man. Deeks believed if he knew he and Kensi were in a relationship he would honour that. He better or he would hunt him down.

"How are you Deeks?" Kensi asked. His eyes snapped back to hers and he gave her a loving smile, his heart constricting when she returned the smile for him.

"Missing you like crazy," he answered tilting his head to the side. Deeks didn't care if everyone saw him talking to Kensi, so full of emotion. He was speaking with his heart and didn't care who heard him. He hadn't noticed Sam motioning to the others to leave the room, to let them both have this time to themselves. Kensi had seen them leave so she knew she could talk freely.

She laughed. "You aren't giving the others a hard time sulking are you?

Deeks laughed. She had missed seeing him laugh and smile and it tugged painfully at her heart. There wasn't a lot of laughing where she was now.

"I don't sulk."

She smiled, the smile he loved so much. "You do too." A small frown marred her face. "I miss you Deeks. I'm sorry I had to leave without saying anything to you."

"I understand." He wanted to cry right there. Her reminding him of that day, the day his world was ripped away from him, brought back all the raw emotion he had felt that evening. "It killed me, but I understood. It wasn't your fault."

"I was crushed. We never got to talk. I needed to talk to you."

"About our thing?" he asked, He needed to hear her admit it again. He didn't doubt her for a moment, yet he still needed to hear the words.

"About Our thing Deeks" she answered him with no hesitation. It came easily to her now.

"We will, when you come back home." She smiled at the word home. "I asked Hetty if she was punishing you, because of, you know, Us."

Her eyes widened. "You what?"

"I offered to go back to LAPD so you could come home, but she said you can't. I think she was testing me, to see if what we were sharing was true or just a passing phase. I had no hesitation in sacrificing myself for you."

"What did she say?" Kensi asked. If it meant she had to stay where she was to finish her assignment so that Deeks would remain her partner back home she would gladly suffer every moment without him.

"She wants me here Kens. She wants you too but we have to wait." He chuckled to himself. "You know she told me to button up, its cold outside. I think she knows about our Frozen Lake," he told her giving her a lopsided grin.

Kensi's eyebrows shot up. "I guess there isn't much that she doesn't know. It was Hetty who organised this link up Deeks."

"It was? I had no idea. I was just called up to Ops. I almost didn't come."

"I'm so glad you did."

Deeks took a step closer and for a moment they just looked at each other across the miles via cyber technology. "You look so good Kens, are you okay? Really?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Deeks."

"Fine?" He knew what that meant.

She chuckled. "I'm good Deeks. It's really lonely, but I'm good. Granger is here, being his usual loveable self." Deeks heard the sarcasm in that comment. "And Sabatino is here. It's nice to have a familiar face here."

Deeks growled at the name and Kensi laughed out loud. "Don't you worry about him Deeks. He knows my heart belongs to you." She stopped to gauge his reaction and was rewarded with his amazing smile.

"He knows about us? You told him?"

"He does. Everyone here does." She smiled. She hadn't been able to stop herself talking about her partner and as was always the case, even before they knew themselves, people knew that they were without a doubt more than partners. Only now Kensi did nothing to deny it. She missed him so much it hurt.

"When will you be back Kensi? When will I be able to hold you in my arms again?" he asked desperately.

"I don't know Deeks. I don't know how long this mission will take." He could see the frustration on her face as she spoke the words.

"Where are you Kensi?" he asked even though he knew she couldn't tell him.

"I can't tell you that Deeks."

He sighed, feeling defeated. "I know. It just kills me not to know where you are, whether you are safe, what you are doing."

Another tear spilled down Kensi's cheek, followed by another.

"Aww Fern, please don't cry," He said feeling his own tears brimming, threatening to spill. It was simply breaking his heart to see her cry knowing he could do nothing to help her. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms and kiss the tears away, tell her how much she means to him and be with her every day. He missed her so much.

"Sorry," she said swiping them away." I really did want our first Christmas to be together. Not thousands of miles apart."

No matter how sad he was feeling himself he had to keep it cheery so her spirits were up. He was sure Hetty had planned this chat to lift her spirits, not make her sadder. She needed to be on her game. If she was in danger at all, she needed a clear head to stay safe and that's all he wanted.

"Come on Fern, we can do this. You look good, I'm good, we have a job to do and we will get it done. And when you come home, we can take that ride in my pick up truck, maybe go bowling, and eat icecream." He smiled, the same way he had smiled when he had said that to her before.

Kensi laughed, remembering their conversation on the day she had been taken away from him. It hurt to have to talk about it, but he needed to lift her spirits.

"I look forward to that Max." She smiled.

A voice came from behind her. "I have to go Deeks."

"Already?"

"Yeah, Video feeds are short. I'll be home soon Deeks."

"Promise?"

"As soon as I can, I promise. Merry Christmas Deeks."

"Merry Christmas Kensi. Be careful."

"I will be."

Deeks drank in the sight of her. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Their ability to talk to one another without words resurfaced and in the mere seconds they had left they spoke volumes to one another. But he needed to tell her.

"Kens, I"…. The screen went blank…. "love you," he finished. But she never heard the words.

Deeks stood looking at the blank screen. He didn't want to move. What if Kensi was able to reconnect? What if she did and no one was here to see her. Her image was burnt into his brain. He wanted to see her again, he wanted to touch her. He just wanted her to be with him.

Five minutes after the screen went black Deeks still stood in front of it. He hardly noticed the tears that were falling freely now. He ached inside, he just wanted her back. The pain was unbearable and a sob tore out from deep within his soul.

"Deeks, are you okay?" he heard someone ask from deep within the fog. "Deeks."

He turned to see Sam and quickly wiped away his tears, an impossible task but he hardly wanted Sam to see him in this state.

"Yeah, she looked good didn't she?" he said weakly.

"She looked great Deeks. She's doing okay. She's going to be fine." He tried to reassure him.

"Yeah," Deeks sighed brokenly.

"Look Deeks, I know what you are going through." Deeks gave him a disbelieving look. "I do man. Every time Michelle had to go away, it tore at me too."

Deeks had never thought about Sam's situation before. Of course he would have been through this kind of thing before. The event earlier this year being the most recent, and intense time for Sam.

"How do you cope Sam? How do you carry on without her by your side?"

He shrugged. "You have to believe it will all be okay. It's terrifying at the time, but you have to have faith Kensi will be okay."

Deeks pursed his lips and nodded. "Come on, we're all waiting for you downstairs. We are going to toast Kensi, and her safe return to us."

Before Deeks realised it, Sam was ushering him down the stairs, his link to Kensi on the screen gone. But something changed. He felt uplifted. He had seen Kensi, she looked good. She missed him and everyone over there knew she was with him. A strange soothing feeling settled over him. He was smiling when he reached the others.

"You good Deeks?" It was Callen now who was asking him.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm great." He was not ever going to deny their relationship anymore. After what they had witnessed in OPS, there was no way he could deny it. They had seen the raw emotion of a man who was missing the woman he loved. And whats more, they all seemed to accept it, no questions asked.

He walked over to Hetty. "Thank you Hetty," he said simply.

"It was my pleasure Mr Deeks, Merry Christmas to you both."

Champagne was handed around. Sam raised his glass. "To Kensi."

"To Kensi," everyone said strongly and Deeks smiled. She was a part of this family if she was here or not. Being with this family made him feel closer to her even in her absence. They would get through this. Now that he had seen her and talked to her he knew he would survive without her during this mission. And then she would be back, in his arms, where he would treat her like he would never let her go again. Life was going okay, and soon enough it would be perfect.


End file.
